My mind is fried.
But my thoughts, for some reason, are turning to my blog, and you, the kind folks that occasionally pop up here to read my rantings and my frustrations.
Like some of you, I read in the bloggosphere, and I read a lot of the bloggernacle. It’s funny, but even though MoBoy is one of the oldest blogs in the ‘nacle, I’ve always gotten this sense of being on the fringes, on the outside. Like I’m not really in the bloggernacle, but rather sitting on a blanket outside on the lawn, listening to the choir while I’m waiting to get into the conference.
Maybe if I were more controversial, or wrote more thought-provoking posts. Or maybe if I simply wrote MORE posts, and didn’t wait weeks in between, I might be more read and more accepted.
One thing I’ve been feeling of late, as I read here and there in the blogs, is a real need to go on the record with my own personal testimony. It’s not often that I stand in F&T and bear my soul. I don’t know why. Still, there are times when I feel like I have to say it. It needs to come out of me, like a song does.
I know the church is true. I feel it every time I’m in the bench in sacrament meeting. My main calling right now is to lead the choir, and last week we were rehearsing “How Firm a Foundation” and I almost broke down crying as I heard my choir sing it. “That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!”
I don’t get to feel it so much when I’m teaching my primary class, but I think that has a lot more to do with the chaos a bunch of 5 year olds can bring to a room. Cute kids. Crazy, too…
Still, I know it’s true. I feel it when I read the Book of Mormon. I haven’t done that much lately because I decided to finally read the Old Testament all the way through (I’m in Joshua, now). But occasionally, I’ll still flip some screens on my Palm and read a bit of Alma, or Mosiah, one of my personal favorites (If you want to learn how to lead a country, how politics should work, read King Benjamin’s tower speech over and over).
I know it’s true. I feel it when I read the Doctrine and Covenants. Say what you will about Joseph Smith. I know he’s a flawed human like all of us, but I know his prophetic calling was (and still is) divine. Praise to the Man!
I know it’s true because I see it in my children’s eyes. They don’t know enough to think it through just yet. Their faith is way more pure than mine. I can still remember Brendon’s tears when, as a four-year-old, we told him he couldn’t go into the temple to meet Jesus. We had told him that it was the Lord’s House, so naturally, he thought he could just walk up, ring the doorbell and meet Him. Like Greg Simpson sings, “I need faith like that”.
Most of all, I know it’s true, because I’ve studied it and prayed about it. Over the years, I’ve gotten the confirmation that I’m on the right path. I may not be walking it quite as directly or as quickly as I should be, but I’m on it. And those are steps in the right direction.
I know it’s true.